Behind the Kitchen Doors
by kokokringles
Summary: When Cole helps Zane cook dinner, nothing can go wrong since he's under supervision, right? Right… No flames, please! Takes place between episodes 17 and 18. I just made it under the 'tragedy' genre because it's a tragedy since Cole (spoiler censored).
1. Fire Chicken

**Yes, people! A twoshot to tell you that I'm still alive 8D**

**Well, if you contacted me via Howrse or deviantART, you'd already know that I'm not dead. But if you want, I do have a blog on Howrse, you can check that out if you want :3**

**If you want to ask me any questions about pretty much anything, I'd go ahead and suggest that you do so in the reviews and I'll answer the ones that aren't too personal in the next chapter.**

**This was inspired by all those amusing short jokes about Cole's cooking 'skills' and I think some people made a joke about this in their stories but look! I made a FANFIC about it XD**

**I'll shut up so you can enjoy.**

**(By the way, this story was also inspired by Disney/Pixar's Ratatouille.)**

**_§~§~§_**

It was Zane's turn to cook dinner but Cole had insisted upon helping.

No one really wanted Cole to help, but because of Zane insisting that he would be fine (and that he would be under supervision) and could help him with dinner. Jay commented on saying that Cole was a jinx when it came to kitchens and cooking and Cole was in denial about the fact and just got a joke about denial and how it sounds like 'de Nile'.

"Cole, fetch me the garlic salt," Zane told Cole while dressing a chicken.

Cole obliged and grabbed the garlic salt then saw another bottle. "Bird's eye chili. I bet this would spice the taste of the chicken up," he said to himself then handed Zane the garlic salt and dropped a tablespoon of the pepper in the chicken without Zane noticing.

Zane sent Cole to get him a few more ingredients while the Earth Ninja had picked up some extra ingredients and added them without anyone noticing. Like breadcrumbs, eggplant, last week's eggs, and swiss cheese. This kept up for a few more minutes until Zane noticed the extra ingredients.

"Cole, what is this?" He asked, pulling out some of the cheese. "You do not put lime and peanut butter on baked chicken," Zane noted.

Cole shrugged, "How do you know they wouldn't go good together? Have you ever tried it?"

Zane shook his head but replied before Cole could speak, "Common sense. Would you eat cake and spinach in the same bite?"

"No, but what does that have to do with baked chicken?" Cole asked and was about to dump a cup of milk in the chicken but Zane quickly stopped him.

"Mixing chicken and…what is this?" Zane pulled a green-looking thing out of the pot.

"I don't know; it was going bad and I decided to go ahead and use it."

Zane sighed and tossed the green stuff in the trash can, "Cole, I believe it has already gone bad."

Cole half-laughed, "Oh. That's what that foul smell is," he grabbed something out of a cupboard and was about to put it on the chicken until Zane snatched it away from him.

"No, Cole! We do not put—" he was cut off when Cole snatched the vial back from Zane to try and put the liquid over the chicken.

What was in the vial, you ask? Bacon grease. Yes, it works very well if you fry pork chops but you do not bake with it. Zane grabbed the vial back from him and put it behind his back then noticed the bird's eye chili, "Do you know how spicy that pepper is?" He asked calmly. Cole answered with a shrug.

"On a scale of one to five, four. It's very spicy and you may have ruined the chicken," Zane commented, looking in the pot where the chicken was.

"Naw, it can't be that bad," Cole rolled his eyes.

"What is in your chili?" Zane asked, trying to make a point.

"Uh…glue to make the taste stick—" Cole was cut off by Zane who had already made his point.

"See what I mean? Glue isn't even edible!" Zane exclaimed, sighing.

Cole decided to try and fix the chicken by putting in two cups of salt and to fix the salt, dumped a cup of pepper in. To fix the pepper, he put in cyan pepper…wait, what? Whoops! Zane failed to tell him that he changed the bottles with rosemary and pepper since the bottles worked better for each other. Oh well, that is what water is for, is it not?

Cole dumped some water on the chicken and before he could say it was perfect, Zane stopped him, "Cole…you have officially ruined the chicken. It is more spicy than—"

Kai opened the door to the kitchen, "Lord Garmadon's all taken care of; turns out he never had ice cream. Jay bought him some." He informed and shut the door behind him and walked off.

"Wait, why didn't we hear the alarm?" Cole looked at Zane who shrugged in response.

"You were making such a racket in there, I would be surprised if you did hear the alarm," Jay answered, opening the door then shutting it again.

The both winced then their eyes wandered over to the chicken. "Well…at least it has a lot of flavor," Zane commented. "I guess we bake it and see how spicy this is; if our brothers complain about it, it all goes on you."

Cole scoffed, "Please! They'll think it's delicious!"

Zane put the chicken in the oven and mumbled something along the lines of, "Let's hope all of the pepper gets incinerated along with—"

"Zane, I heard that. I'm telling you! It can't be that bad because I am a great cook," Cole patted his brother on his back. Zane whimpered and hoped this meal wouldn't have an anticlimactic taste and started planning on where the Ninja would eat. Maybe that shwarma joint he saw down the road.

Zane never tried shwarma before and wondered what it tasted like then walked out of the kitchen after Cole to worry about what dinner would taste like.

_**§~§~§**_

**In the next chapter, we will learn what Cole's baked chicken would taste like! And if no one likes his chicken, they will eat shwarma.**

**I forgot what was in shwarma. Oh, and if you didn't notice the semi-subtle reference, it's in there!**

**Okay, you'll probably figure out the reference in five seconds but I watched it yesterday and – ah! Forget my stupid reference! I learned the Nancy Drew the Silent Spy pre-orders start on my youngest sister's birthday!**

**:DDDDDDDDDD. All right, I already knew that and freaked out more on FaceBook.**

**Anyways, I asked a question on Howrse:**

**If you had to choose, would you choose Disney or DreamWorks? The answer kind of surprised me because DreamWorks is in the lead by two votes. I was an all-out tie.**

**But how about you? Disney or DreamWorks?**


	2. Shwarma

**My sisters forced me to watch Dragons: Riders of Berk with them yesterday. Fortunately it wasn't all twenty episodes but watching those episodes gives Hiccup a big boost in points for my liking.**

**If you saw my blog post semi on this subject, I said that Toothless and Baby Tooth were way cuter than the two combined (wait, they would look weird combined…BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!) and was on Baby Toothless then rambled on to how to say tooth in Latin but anyways…**

**Hiccup is in the lead in my opinion.**

**Speaking of leads (and two DreamWorks characters), DreamWorks is in the lead! Disney, you need to get on the ball!**

**I had a whole rant about the most common grammar mistake in Rise of the Guardians fan fictions and has never seen ANYONE get it right. If you bother, you can flip through all 7k plus stories looking for the stories I'm talking about or you could just read the a/n at the bottom.**

**~•~•~**

Once the chicken had finished, Zane took the chicken out slowly.

Great. It was time for dinner. Might as well get reservations for shwarma.

Once Zane had taken out the chicken, Jay burst into the chicken, "Mmmm! That smells delicious! Is it ready? Is it ready? Is it ready? Oh, yes it is! Can I have some? Can I have some? Can…I…have…some?! Please, please, please, please, please, please?!" Jay gasped for breath. "Went too long without breathing," he wheezed.

Zane sighed and gave Jay some chicken. Jay took a big bite, "YUM!" He exclaimed, much to the nindroid's surprise. Then not to his surprise, Jay's eyes practically popped out of his head. "AAAHHHHHHHHH! MY TONGUE IS ON FIRE! MILK! I NEED MILK! AHHHHH!" He started running around like a headless chicken.

If the situation was different, this would be hilarious. But no. Jay's tongue was on FIRE. Wait, Jay's the Ninja of Lightning and lightning produces FIRE.

Hahahaha, this is kind of funny. More ironic, if you ask me.

Jay's mouth was still on fire after he had drank all of the milk and was panting like a dog at the table, glaring at Cole throughout all of dinner.

Well, at least most of dinner when Sensei Wu caught his mouth on fire on the chicken. What was it like?

**Flashback:**

_Kai pushed away his plate stubbornly, "No. I won't eat this. Cole cooked it which means it isn't edible."_

_Cole moaned, "Will someone at least have an open mind and try some?"_

_Sensei took Kai's plate, "I will try some," he slowly brought the fork to his mouth and everyone held their breath._

_It was no surprise when Sensei started gagging then restricted Cole from playing video games for a month_

**End of flashback**

**"**Well look at the bright side in all of this," Nya suggested. Everyone turned to her as if asking, "What?"

Nya shrugged, "At least we know how hot peppers can be," she replied and everyone sighed then looked back at their plates.

Zane stood up, "I got reservations for dinner; for backup," he added as an afterthought. "Where?" Kai asked.

"At that new joint downtown," Zane replied. "I heard it's really good; everyone goes there since it opened last week."

**~•~•~**

When the Ninja, Nya, and their sensei who still was chugging down milk he had forced Cole to buy before they had left.

"How many?" The waitress asked, without looking up from her piece of paper.

"Seven," Nya answered.

With a terse reply, the waitress led the party to table four, "Maria will be with you shortly," she said and quickly walked off.

Jay watched her as she walked off and whistled, "Man, she's good-looking," he commented then Nya knocked him upside the head. "Jay!" She chided.

He laughed, "Nya! I was just kidding. You're beautifuller than her."

"'Beautifuller'?" Cole repeated. "Jay, that isn't even a word."

"Well it floats my boat!" Jay replied shortly.

"What a moron," Kai mumbled to himself. "Jay, I think your parents secretly named you Nimrod but said your name is Jay just to spare your feelings."

Jay scoffed, "Please! I am anything but a nimrod!" He looked at Kai's sarcastic look. "What's a nimrod?"

Zane happily defined, "An inept person."

"Inept?" Jay repeated.

Kai laughed, "Point made!" He exclaimed and Lloyd burst out laughing.

"Jay, even I know what inept means! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Lloyd, hush! We're in public," Nya chided.

Sensei would have commented but he was still chugging down milk.

Maria arrived at the table wearing a cheap smile and spoke with a southern accent, "What can I get you for diner? I would sing the specials but I might get complaints," she said and whipped out her notepad.

Jay looked at Zane and mouthed, "Seriously?"

Everyone said their orders except Sensei who was still chugging down milk so Lloyd ordered for him even though he couldn't eat the food since he was chugging down milk.

It took thirty minutes when the food arrived and it was cold because Maria forgot to bring their food that was cooked twenty minutes ago. But in her defense, she had gotten Sensei eight more glasses of milk. "Finally! Let's dig in!" Jay exclaimed and stuffed his food in his mouth, receiving weird looks from everyone in the joint and even got his picture taken by a random kid then looked like she was texting the picture to someone. "Look!" Jay exclaimed. "They love me! They're taking pictures of me!"

"Jay is the new word for inept," Cole commented.

"He can't be the new word for inept because he doesn't know what it means," Kai replied. Sensei would have scolded him but he was chugging down milk then ordered some more.

"Uncle, you're drinking so much milk you might burst," Lloyd commented.

The food wasn't really that good which led Zane to wonder why that joint was so popular. Probably best known for their shwarma since that's what the joint was called. Oh well. At least they didn't have to drink so much milk like Sensei did who was still chugging down milk.

When the Ninja and Nya got home, the chicken was thrown off the side of the Bounty, scaring every living thing a mile away from the ship.

Lloyd didn't even know trees and flowers could uproot themselves and run away from Cole's cooking. Huh.

I guess you do learn something new every day.

The reason Sensei didn't get back to the Bounty was because he was too busy chugging down milk and the Ninja didn't have enough money to pay for all the milk Sensei ordered since the refills weren't free.

That night, all of the boys talked about how disgusting that shwarma was but was candy compared to Cole's fire-chicken.

"Cole, who taught you how to cook?" Lloyd asked curiously, snuggling under his blanket.

"My best friend growing up. His name is Douglass and everyone said he was the worst cook ever. Don't know why," Cole answered, shrugging.

"Well," Jay commented, "some thing remain a mystery, right?"

"Yep. Guess so."

"Cole, you are in drastic need for cooking lessons. Maybe Zane will teach you," Kai suggested.

Zane jolted up in a sitting position banging his head on Kai's bunk, "No, I will not."

**~•~•~**

**Hey, I got a random idea! If this story should have more to it, feel free to write the next part of the story in the review. It might be fun. You don't have to, of course but I'd love to read it. You can even have your OCs in it.**

**Anyways, what is the mistake that everyone makes in Rise of the Guardians fan fictions? Answer:**

**Pitch black, and Pitch Black.**

**It's not really a grammar error, it's more of confusion.**

**People like to write stories about the Guardians watching Jack's memories and THAT part in the movie because I'm not the only one who noticed that they never actually said sorry to Jack for pointing fingers.**

**Here is my example:**

_"Where everything is—"_

_"Pitch Black?"_

_"And Jack Frost, too."_

**That drives me CRAZY! The reason I know Jack meant actual darkness is because one:**

Common sense.

**Two:**

Frankly, I don't think Jack is smart enough to come up with a pun like that. Seriously.

**And three:**

I turned on the subtitles :3

**I can see why people would get that confused but the thing is, no one has picked out that Jack meant pitch-black literally.**

**Pitch is the one that made the pun, not Jack. Here is the proper way:**

_"Where everything is—"_

_"Pitch black?"_

_"And Jack Frost, too."_

**If you don't believe me…turn on the subtitles next time you rent the movie at RedBox, Amazon (I think you need Prime, though) or Netflix…unless you own the DVD.**

**For the first time ever, I am going to reply to reviews.**

**ZaneWalker: **Thanks!

**SergeantSarcasm7: **Yay for DreamWorks! And yes, poor Cole *shakes head sadly*.

**TheComingofEpic: **Shrek is awesome. But I have to say the third one is my favorite. I should have made Jay's tongue burning (get it? Instead of witch burnings it's–never mind) a lot more dramatic.

**freakgamer112233:** You picked up on the reference! Hurray! Actually I'm more a fan of the little scene after the credits (that sounded funny) where the Avengers were eating at the Shwarma joint. Thor was eating something that looked like a burrito. What's up with that?

**Guest: **Well you were right! Aw, drat. I owe you a swirly pop :/

Here! Sorry it's on the ground. My sister made me drop it in the mud XD

I also had a symbol that looked like a pop but FanFiction was jealous and deleted it.

**In case you wanted to know, my deviantART username is Spearmint34. I know, real original but I was chewing on spearmint gum while growing spearmint so there.**


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